Obsession

I appear to lack the ability to be casual. Whatever I do, I'm obsessed about it. This works well with my ability to concentrate, but makes me overly emotional and also stops me from having any weak relations.
I guess it can be considered good, but it is not always so.
Indeed, I work a lot harder on the problems of my tiny inner circle. However, I have been quite ineffective at doing things outside the circle.
This kind of duality is bound to haunt me, but I also don't see how I could solve it without giving up my strengths.

Life is a puzzle to solve, but we are nevertheless a part of it.

What it means to be in dark depression

I have hoped, but never truly believed.
The world is a dark place to me and so am I.
It was never a choice, after one certain point.
This one point in time, where I made a seemingly simple and childish promise.
A promise, that I can no longer give up.
I'm bound. It hurts, but I dare not untie myself.
I feel as if I had taken the whole world to be my burden - If I dropped it, no one would catch.
Thus, there is little I can do.
There was a promise,
but never was there any hope.


I guess this is not a poem, but it is indeed how I feel right now. What I don't feel is that I should write about the good things in my life, as this is one of my dark depression days. I don't feel like anything can help me, except time. And even time simply passes by eventually.
There is no one to truly hold and ward me, as I have taken such a great burden onto myself.
Always will I have to carry my burdens myself, including the greatest of them all.
Sometimes I wish it would end, but then again I remember, that if it would end, then not through my hand.
It may be my journey, but it is not my story to end.
My life may be mine to live, but it is for someone else to end it.
I have wished for this someone to come and take me away, but in this case fate would just laugh in my face. It is not yet the time, nor would I ever be the one to decide when it is.

A place of misery is a place of untapped potential

I feel this place is the reason for a part of my misery.
However, I know many wouldn't like it if I stopped working on this blog, thus I have opened a new one just for facts that make me happy each day.

Elseway it's just so hard to keep up with all the good things that happen. Indeed, bad things happen too, but people tend to forget problems too soon after solving them. This especially applies to me. Hopefully my solution works.

This blog is still meant to be as deep as ever, as I still intend to write here whenever I have heavy or dark thoughts. I can't avoid them anyway, so it's better to just write them down.

/"It's a perfect denial" - 30 Seconds to Mars - A beautiful lie