Coming back

 I feel my inner world coming back. Slowly, but surely I'm reviving from my unnoticed drone-hood.
Of the years that I've been reading people only the last few years I've actually worked on developing this skill. Up until this point it was purely natural talent and/or random tries.
Now I'm turning more and more cold and analytical. I purposefully try to reverse-engineer the minds of the people around me.

/One doesn't have to be unemphatic to be cold. Sometimes being cold can be good - Xonok @ here

Happy?

For my whole life I have been fairly static. I've never went with any trends. Never listened to advice before it's too late. Never followed orders.
This has made me into a very different person.
I don't really feel the need to go to any concerts, because I just don't go past a certain point. I never really turn into a "fan".
This kind of lifestyle has made me lonely. I don't really understand people as much as I would like to believe I do. Yes, I read people. But I don't know how to use it to simply socialize.
I must always have a goal or purpose. 
For those reasons I am unable to work very well as a drone. I am harder to motivate with cookie-cutter ways. I am harder to manipulate than the masses.
I could perhaps fit for a leader. But what kind? I simply do not know.

After all this the main thing what's left to ask is: "Do I feel happy?"
The answer is "No. I do not."
However, I am happier than I would be if I tried to be like the others.

Here are 2 songs that somewhat describe how I feel. 

/The limits on our lives are placed by ourselves

Stumbling in darkness... as I always have

I stumble in darkness, yet seeing it all.

Sometimes I forget who I am and who I want to be. Sometimes the void fills me through lots of seemingly meaningful activities.
Yet, I must not forget, that I have a purpose.
This blog is a benchmark. It shows whether I am moving in the right direction.