Why?
How?
"Just the way you are."
Well, thank you.
I don't like this kind of flattery though. I don't like being told that I have power if it's not the kind of power that can do good.
Because it reminds me how horrible it is to be like me.
No fucking autopilot whatsoever. I can do whatever the fuck I want, but it's worse than just not having to think.
It makes things too extreme.
Just please, don't keep saying that I can't do anything.
The worst thing about this all is understanding when I have some kind of connection with a person and then seeing it disappear. It makes me feel helpless over my own life, because whatever I do, it's all wrong for someone.
Whatever I do, it's never fucking enough.
Not for you, not for anyone.
This is what has fucked me up.
And it began with name-censored-here.
But that's how it tends to be.
My feelings don't matter. The only thing that matters is whether I am like people imagine me.
Which I'm not.
So they delude themselves into thinking they know me.
Make promises to themselves in my name.
And get hurt when it turns out they misunderstood.
"Then maybe you are not clear enough."
I can't read people's minds.
Not like that at least.
It takes some faith from both sides.
I have faith, but it's not enough when I'm the only one that has any.
And it takes something to understand that people are not how we wish them to be and never will be, but that they are willing to change, if you change with them.
That's a part of what love is.
Putting other people on the same level as yourself.
But no, being judgemental is so much more comfortable.
And that's why people are not happy. They expect the sky to rain pink unicorns and get butthurt when it doesn't happen.
Instead of just working to make themselves better and to make things work.
Maybe that's me being a man.
Maybe it's just people, including me, being idiots.
