Change

I feel that a change is impending. What's yet to find out is what that means.

I saw the Nymph once again and probably for the last time in a long period. It was worth it, though, as I might be able to have peace thanks to this. So insideish talk...

Btw, stereotypes aren't always wrong. It's just that nowadays new stereotypes are forming. People are mixing up both mentally and physically. It's just a matter of time until things seem to make sense once again.

What about me? I'm chill.

What is Eurondar?

Since this is the name of my blog I can bet that many have wondered about this. I've decided that I'll just write it all down.

First of all, Eurondar is my dreamland. It's completely separate from any real world object and rule.

I am Xonok of Eurondar. Thus, I am an Endorian. Simply because Eurondarian sounds awkward to me. Endorian can mean anything that comes from that world. In my case it's the mindset - My thoughts seem as if they were from a different world.

Don't know what more to write.

Just wondering...

I think I shouldn't be so... low? I don't know what the word is for that. What I mean is that I don't think I should be so modest. It's stopping me from succeeding in quite about everything. I lack the confidence.
Yes, I might seem like a very active and daring person, but I really ain't. I'm socially active, but not ambitious enough.
Today I discovered it in a quite unexpected way.
I got really angry at a certain person. Most will never see what I do when I'm angry, as there's only 2 people that can considerably disturb me.
Anyways, when it was over once again I noticed, that my voice is a lot closer to bass. I also had less trouble with pronouncing some letters that I usually can't pronounce very well in English.
I really should get a voice recorder... Then I could really know how I sound. Currently I simply don't know and thus may sometimes be hard to understand.

The love of my life!

I would of never thought that I could play an instrument any time near, but fate plays tricks on us I guess. Guitars are amazing! I got my hands on one at my girlfriend's place yesterday. I couldn't do much, but it was awesome. I have tried piano, flute and a few other instruments, but with this guitar I really felt that it's for me. And i felt that I improved fast within the next few hours.
I am definitely getting a guitar someday. Someday soon.

Also, I am once again returning to the same music that I used to listen to a few years ago. This one is quite good in my opinion:

Guitar is now the love of my life.

Estonian

See on seni ainus eestikeelne postitus ja nii see ilmselt ka jääb.
Minu kohta, et:
Ma olen 16-aastane poiss. Äärmiselt rahulik ja vist ka maheda häälega(ise määrata on keeruline).
Mul ei ole vähimaidki eelarvamusi soo, vanuse, religiooni ega millegi muu taolise suhtes.
Ma olen selline inimene, kellega saab rääkida ükskõik millest. Absoluutselt kõigest.
Juhuks kui keegi tahab rääkida, siis mu MSN on kaarel29@hot.ee

Come undone

I am not so sure in myself anymore. I can clearly see, that I've become ignorant and stubborn. I can read it from my mind. I don't want to be like that.
Yet, everything is quite about perfect, so i have no idea why I am so depressed all the time. What more can I wish, if i have everything? I have the world, but that doesn't change anything.
The world inside me is still the same. It will corrupt me if i don't stand against it. I don't mean that it would make me "evil", just that it could hold me back. Could stop me from being free.
I feel that I've been imprisoned by myself.
I feel cut up inside.

The happiness of existence... or something

As the heading suggests, i really am happy. I have almost everything that i want. Some of those things i've wanted for so long..
I'm even doing well at school. If anyone needs help, then just ask.
Once again i have no clue of what to write, so i'll just put down some facts:
Favourite band: The Used
Favourite song: Listening(live, by The Used)
Favourite haircut: Hard to describe, but it's what you see when i have short hair.
Religion: Agnostic(prove it and i believe)
Philosophy: Altruism(of social philosophy)

Okay, now i have a little idea.
I like to think that i'm very selfless. I do things to help others without expecting anything in return. I do it because i want to.
I am unsocial if there's more than 3 people around. At least usually. Some people count as more than 1, some don't at all.
It's very difficult to annoy or bore me. For a year only 2 people have made me angry. Although more have made me upset, but that's not the same.
I am an increasingly fast learner. It usually takes little effort for me to learn new things.
However, i'm lazy, so it balances out.
I've only recently started to use emotes at a normal rate, i used to put all emotions into text. I do not regret it.
I'm a generator of ideas. It can sometimes make me boring, as the constant flow of ideas can quickly trash people's minds.

Because of music

Hello,

It seems that my little blog is coming back to life after that long time. So now i want to post again, to keep it going. 

Some stuff that i've been working on:

This is a WIP picture of a map i'm gonna make. This place will have it's point, but i won't tell what just yet. 

Also, this song is really good in my opinion:

Farewell
/Xonok the Endorian, not so lost anymore

Once again about writing

I'm constantly wondering about publishing. It's not that i had anything to publish, i just want to know what would be the best way of doing that. Once i think i'm ready.
So yesterday i made an account on booksie. Here's my bio that i put there:

I have little idea of who i am, but i guess everyone else knows even less of me. So here it goes.
I am a precocious(Is that how it's said? Or should i say early?) person. People consider me smart. I consider myself lazy.
I am always looking for new friends. Especially those that don't like themselves. I believe that self-criticism is a very good sign about one's personality.
My blog probably tells a lot more about how i think, so i'll just skip to the writing part.
I started to write quite accidentially. Sometimes i just get that certain feeling. It stops me from sleeping or doing anything else, until i wait it out or write.
My first stories were about the history of certain fictional races. I can show them if anyone wishes to see.
I write in a mix of english and estonian. After that i create 2 versions of each story(if i bother)- english and estonian. Hopefully both equally good.
Now i am writing fantasy and science fiction. Currently the favorite character that i've created is called Martin Overmoon.
I think i'm a bit off. I'll update this bio when i find a better time. Currently i'm getting distracted.
P.S That picture of me is old.

You can look it up yourself: www.booksie.com/Xonok

Once a writer, always a writer

I have finally started to write again. If you wish to see what i have written, then say so.
I'm happy.

I've been doing surprisingly well lately. I now have a girfriend once more and my grades are bearable. Actually, about school, it's even too easy so far. I guess highschool really does fit for me. I had wondered about it before, but now i can believe it does.

I don't have much idea of what more to write.
In short, everything has gone perfect for the last few weeks.
Oh and my girlfriend also helps me with developing games. She's really wonderful in every meaning of the word.
/What more is there to want?

School again

So it was the first day of school again.
Nothing special, though.
As boring as always.

Although there was something to see - 2 new classrooms have been made, but both of them are missing a wall, so it looks quite awkward.
If anyone really wants to know, then ask me.
I'm bored. Ciao.

Creep Culture

I know i haven't written anything here for a long time. Either because not bothering or simply because i don't know what to write. Well, it doesn't matter why.
So now i've thought that i should just do what many people have done before - Write about my thoughts.

Yesterday i coined a term(in my mind) for people that make themselves look ugly, or creepy on purpose. The creep culture.
I haven't got much of an idea where it started or why, but i certainly understand it. There's more than one kind of beauty and if done right, then anything can be beautiful. Including creepiness. The question is just in which way.
Sidenote: Or perhaps they make themselves creepy to gain attention? Well definitely not all of them, but some.

I've failed to write ANYTHING long for months now. It's an annoying fact. At least i keep trying.
Maybe i should start translating my stories to english.
Actually i've tried doing that with one story, it's still unfinished.
Still, i have to keep trying. I think i'll do that right now.
Bye to anyone who might read.

The songs of life

What if there's a song playing in my heart? Then this is reality. What if our hearts are just toys? Then this is reality. No, i don't know what i'd like to write. I'll just do.
Some...thing i have written recently(only the first is from the past):
What is it that matters to me? I don't know... Being better is the answer to anything. I want to be better, as it's the only thing that relieves the pain of knowing all there is to know about me...and a few other people. That, is my pain, not theirs.
Ever found it funny that people have no idea about who they are and what's going on? Well i think it's just miserable.

Out of the deep now. My heart is filled with love. That love is nameless, just as is the Light.  The Light shows us the way, whether we want it or not. The Light is made by Fire. Made by me..
I am fire. I am the storm. I am not the wind. I am some more...

Does all that imply that i have a large ego? Nope, as i don't like being better. I just have no other reasonable choice.
The verses that haunt you. The verses that fill you. The verses of life. The verses that kill you...

Someone is having a good time. Oh right, it's me...

I am happy, as the songs in my heart are playing loudly. I feel creative, as i am being all i can be.

Should i stop? Should i not? No idea. It's all a faithless stunt. (No, i don't even know what i mean)

There's things that only i can do... such as understanding my jokes. But i'm not perfect, so sometimes i can't even do that.

Someone has been getting creative. I guess it's me. Now if i could only just do something reasonable with that...

The verses in my heart are haunting....

My own heaven in hell

Today(yesterday) i felt bad at least half of the time, yet, most of the time i was happy. I really am a masochist, i guess.
Also, about examinations;
Today there was an english examination and i got an A(5). I really would of never thought that i'd guess that much. Today in the morning i was a tad bit nervous. In a way, cos i am actually NOT able to be nervous about things like that.
Anyways, when the oral(last) part of the examination was over the teacher smiled. I knew that i had done at least this thing right. It was quite a nice surprise later on to that day that i got such a good mark.
What more is there to say? (Exactly what i said in the examination)
Bye.

Emptiness that haunts the soul...

Haven't posted here for quite a while. People keep leaving. Also, one of my uncles was found dead recently. He was just 23.
I feel empty, but not because of that. I hadn't seen that uncle for years anyway.

I've noticed, that noone has visited the blog for over a week. Probably because i hadn't posted?

Some facts about me:
There's periods in my life, when i eat a lot and periods, when i eat very little. Neither of which affect my weight(And no, i am not fat at all).
I like the second ones more.
I have next to no feelings in some things(my uncle).
I barely believe in true love(Muse is the reason why i believe at all).
I am not religious.
My IQ is far over average.
My EQ is under average. 

School again

Yesterday:
I feel awful. I haven't got much of an idea why. Maybe it's because i did go to school this week(3 days already). So i haven't been absent, just late once(missed the train). Tomorrow i won't go to school, or if, then only to fix a few marks.
Today:
So eventually i didn't even fix any marks, didn't go there at all. But not i feel, better, maybe i'll manage to get to school tomorrow?
Anyways, enough of school.
...
And i´m out of ideas.

Away

I'm basically out of any action that involves computers for a week or so. But you can still call me of course.
Also, if anyone's interested about a space game(in browser), then check this out:
http://eu2.looki.com/game.php?u=5356199
Dunno what else should i write, so bye. 

Sins of a solar empire

So now i've been lazy again and haven't posted. Oh well, i'm here now.
Don't have much idea about what i should write though.
*Sins of a solar empire is awesome(a lot better than i thought)
*Met some nice new people.
*Haven't worked much on WC3 maps. Mainly because Ring of Realms has over 16 000 trees(makes me lag in the editor) and i haven't figured out the cure yet. (No, i won't make the map smaller!)
The terrain so far does look great though. Perhaps i should show, but not this time.

About sins of a solar empire.
This is a real time strategy game in space. There's 4 types of ships:
Fighter squadron-practically free, what you build is things that carry them.
Frigate-cheap, but relatively weak. Most need to be researched. At first you have 3, which are scout, light frigate and colony ship.
Cruiser-better than frigate, about 2 times as good. All of them are researched.
Capital ship-the most powerful. Costs about as much as 10 frigates and is about as strong as 7-8. BUT, their high survivability is very useful. Their weakness is having low mobility. A player can have up to 20 of them.
Capital ship types are:
Battleship
Gunship(less power than battleship, but more range)
Battlecruiser(2 versions)
Carrier
Also, unlike other games, such as master of orion and galactic civilizations II, in this game colony ships are not used up. And also, in this game it doesn't take mindnumbingly long to build up new colonies, so, having weak ones is your own problem. It's relatively easy to protect your area and there's also multiple ways:
1.Stationary defenses-maxed amount of turrets/hangars in border colonies. Quite effective, but will eventually be torn down.
2.Fleet-if someone sends even a small fleet, then attack it until it retreats. But don't stop there or they come back. In this game only capital ships can fire while retreating, so keep pounding and you'll quite likely conquer a few colonies. What makes it differ, is:
1.Slow pace. This is caused by ships being slow and doing little damage compared to how many hits they can take.
2.Extremely balanced, while still allowing many different strategies(unlike starcraft).
I did not go through any tutorials, as i can learn new games extremely fast. So, on my first game i struggled to find out what to do and how this game works.  I built lots and lots of frigates(eventually i had over 50). Also i made a capital ship:the Akan Carrier.
At first it seemed like computer players are cheating all the time, as there were enemies everywhere. However, i found out, that it's just neutral colonies(nothing comes with no effort here).
I was also attacked by blue, but he ran right away, so i started chasing. I blasted my way after him and destroyed least 3 colonies, while building more and more frigates. Eventually i blew his capital ship. A bit later he brought a larger fleet and wiped mine -_-. So i started again.
Now i've played about 10-15 games of it and am doing a lot better. It turns out that using early push tactics makes you very weak and bringing a player down right away is next to impossible.

So, it's a game where my favourite type of warfare, guerilla, is actually viable, which is very rare in RTS games. 10/10, a very fine game.

Points

Today i have done some stuff that's at least a little bit interesting.
I have slept 3 hours, but i am still full of energy. I guess sleeping is tiring. 
I was bored in maths, so i drew a 6-dimensional shape(based off of the cube)

Something like this


Also i have been working on my zombie map

Also i have been listening to music(as always).
Out of ideas now. Gbye!

CHEEEEEER!!!!!

YES! It's over, for now at least.
So now i'll go to town and spend my weekend on helping my father move stuff around.Perhaps i'll even see someone.
Also i think i should go to a certain highschool and just wander around, or perhaps find someone who i can ask questions about the school.

Since the torture is over for this week i'm very happy.
Also, many people call me a genius, but i simply say that they do. If i would claim to be a genius then it would not be right the way i want it.

Now where did i get this optimism? I have no mindfucking idea where, or actually i don't have an idea that isn't mindfucking(lol).

Life is good after being tortured. I needed it.

School, madness and the relations

So now it's 4 days. Yesterday i was a lot better. Today, same as on when i last blogged. So just tomorrow left, for now.
Also i've found out that i'm a masochist, i like to suffer. Which is why i have made it to school 4 days in a row...

Also, while meditating(at school, lol) i created a very weird phrase.
Kuigi "suured Crackrohelused"ütles:
So now my MSN name is suured Crackrohelused. If you do not speak estonian, then it means "great greens of crack".

So what should i write now?
Oh, btw, i've never lost my white friend in the snow.

What is pain? Pain is life.

Even 2 days of school can be awful. And it's just the first 2...
I've not slept much due to getting up early.
However, it does make me realize things.
First of all is the long list of symptoms:
It's hard to concentrate my attention
A very holey memory
Vision is delayed
Slower reaction
Sometimes i can't see even with eyes open
Bad mood 24/7
Headaches

Some of those are there all the time, some are due to lack of sleep.  I am quite sure i forgot some of them.

All that makes time slow for me, which made me realize that i wouldn't value life if everything was perfect. Suffer makes us real. Also there would be no joy, least for me. So to me, pain is life.

On the other topic, WC3 Jass NewGen pack and UTM(Ultimate Terraining Map) are magnificent, i can edit a lot more than i could before. Even ability IDs.
I'm loaded up on tutorials, as i want to start a big project soon. Maybe i've already started it and don't know. We'll see.

I am sure i forgot something. Bye.

Ideas and Magic

Here i am, i guess. Since Lime Magic reminded me that i haven't blogged in a while.
So what have i done(o.O) meanwhile?("I, have been waiting for someone like you, but now you are slipping away. Why, why does fate make us suffer. There's a curse between us, between me and you.)
Yesterday I met a nice little girl. She is 9, i think, but quite promising. (And she plays games more than girls usually do).
Today she visited us once again and just recently went away. Was fun. I guess.
Now just a moment ago i talked to someone who gave me an idea(Or made me get an idea), that i could make a text-based economy/strategy game. It struck me like lightning, but it's a good idea actually. I am able to pull this off, easily. All i need now is an original idea.
Hmm...
Quite an idea, i guess. But now, i'll have to spend 2 or more hours before i can even start.
I don't like waiting.  -_-
Btw, those lyrics at the start of this post, it's Within Temptation-What have you done now.
G'bye if you read this and if you didn't, then you're clearly not reading this either.

Just a fun day

Today was a fun day.
In the morning(or actually noon, as i woke up late) i didn't do much at first. First i went shopping, didn't take long as the shop is close and i did not need to bring much.
At about 1pm i started looking for a bus to go and visit my grandma. She had invited me the day before.
The trip took me over an hour(should be 27 minutes), as i didn't know what bus i am going to take at first.
I usually have no idea how to get around in the city, so i'm trying to learn. To do so i am taking the wrong buses on purpose. The purpose being, that i will need to think about where i'm going. So today i went about 2-3km past the right place. Then i walked back.
At grandma's i did many things. We went shopping(again), after that i started looking for resources for my WC3 map(models, trigger systems, abilities, et cetera), while she was doing something else. Later on we talked about one of my writings(The demon and the knight). After that, i went back to my father's place.
So here i am. Inspired enough to write here. I'll go and write something now.

Lessons

A person can learn a lot every day.
Today i wrote another chapter to one of my stories. You can find it here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Z3-j2tM65NFa_j5syEcdZjc-e81c3O1Ow0J1X1rp-TA/edit
Then i've also been trying to convince an amateur writer, that she really should publish a book. She writes quite well(and has already written 76 chapters). So far she hasn't agreed to publish, thus i won't show what she wrote.
Today someone showed me Skrillex, they make quite good music in my opinion. I especially suggest a song called "Equinox". 
Also, nowadays it might seem that girls are so fragile, but i wouldn't recommend testing that... Luckily i haven't.
So, good luck with your life, as you clearly bothered to read my blog.
Oh, and i've also updated the skeleton.
And btw, Eurondar is a name that belongs to me, simply because i created it.
Try google search and you'll see. 

Just a little update

No idea what to write, so i'll show something that i created(built, rougly 200 parts)

An angellic/demonic skeleton

The start of the blog

So this is the start of my blog.

Current ideas for posts:

Game
Projects

Writings

Mood

What i have been doing(hence, the name)
What i'm planning to do
Thoughts
Advice for my readers
Want to suggest something? -> Comment

Just to be clear:
It's all in english to make it readable for everyone
Don't think that i am normal

So, what else should i do now?