Elegia

Am I a great soul, or is it just an illusion? If I am, then does it mean that greatness must always come through suffering?

Am I a great soul, or is it just an illusion? If I am, then does it mean that greatness must always come through suffering?

Oh how messy is life...

We all wish for love. Yet, few actually get it. Some don't know that they want it. Some have simply lost hope. Still, we all need it.

Some time ago, there used to be a person in my life, whom I now miss so dearly. Just this one person. I have many muses, most of them silent by now. Yet, only this specific one matters to me anymore. 
I wish for this one person to come back to my life. This one person who knows my soul better than I do and would now have the right to change it. 

/Take me apart, put me back together. If you survive it, then you're the one. - Me @ here.

Mental weariness (how I was wrong)

I have often thought that one of my biggest problems is the inability to not think. Essentially this is true and thus I was, for a long time, not able to see the problem clearly.
It is true, that I am unable to avoid thinking at least most of the time, but it is not because I've already spent all my energy. It is because I have spent half of it.

This creates a situation where I feel like doing something, but am unable to do anything that is actually complicated. Basically, I am tired, but not enough to actually force my mind to rest.
Due to this reason, I have needed to practice meditation before most big efforts. Meditation allows me to shut down my thoughts for a while, so I can gather some strength.

The weakness of meditation is that it requires actively perceiving myself, which is not so easy to do all the time. It doesn't specifically take energy, but it does take concentration.

Anyways, I have once again learned something about myself. Maybe it will delay my eventual insanity?

/There is little need for knowledge, but a lot of need for understanding. We already have enough knowledge for most of our needs, but too many have forgot how to understand. Me@Here.

Time and Thought

My motivations have always been based on some lacking qualities of others. This forces me to do something that is actually useful to people. However, it also means that I have a hard time with anyone who doesn't actually need me. I don't want to be a burden and thus, I choose to stay back as things happen around me.
As a mage, I put a lot of emphasis on the importance of understanding and the cost in time that it means. That makes me act slow or rushed when time is pressing on. However, it also allows me to solve problems and understand ideas that few others can.
Due to those things, I sometimes rush into the action and get smashed. This has made me very cautious and created a drive in me to take more time whenever things get tough. However, it too has it's disadvantages. I can be caught in a never-ending loop of taking more time, but failing to finish things due to more responsibilities piling up. I need time, but I don't always get it.