Sure, my emotions are real and strong. But they don't seem right anymore.
I'm sifting through my memories to find a clue of what went wrong.
Somewhat I've always been a bit different. I believe this is fine.
However, I have become too distant to the people around me. It's simply not right to tie my life so closely with others. But then again, I also shouldn't be such a sociophobic person.
There has to be a middle ground and I will find it.
I've also started to go back in my youtube favourites. On my way I found a song that I had forgotten, but still dearly love.
Is there hope for me to feel real again, or am I bound to wander the depths of my mind? I wish I knew.
For a very long time I have tried to understand why I am here. What am I supposed to be doing? I feel that there are great deeds to be done, but in trying to find out what is my ultimate purpose, I have seemingly moved farther from it. I feel that what I'm doing is wrong, but my mind keeps telling me it's right.
I guess one of my poetic lines has now come back to me "Oh baby, your life is a mess".
A person has to live, not to think endlessly about how to do things better. I have now realized that one of my greatest faults has been not using my chances as much as I should.
Yes, it is indeed necessary to think deeply about things. At least for me.
However, this should never be more important than actually doing things. It is wrong to fall into introspection when everything is going fine. Yet, so I have done.
Perhaps someday I'll be a good person? There are people who would say that I already am. But I don't feel so anymore. I feel lost, despite technically achieving more than ever.
I also now know it is wrong to think so much about the shadows in my mind. It only makes them worse. Yes, I must deal with them, but not through giving them my life.
The shadows, they are a necessary evil. Without darkness, one can't see the light. However, darkness is still destructive to the mind of anyone who wants to conquer it.
Time to live.
