For a long time I have tried unsuccessfully to contain my negativity. Today I thought that perhaps it's just human nature to occasionally feel bad. When we feel good we recharge our emotional batteries and when we feel bad we figure out what is wrong with the world(...our world). Well, that's how it is for a "normal" person. But what if one or the other gets the better of you? When you're too happy you become careless and take unnecessary risks. Happiness makes us lose control. Then again while sad we understand everything so perfectly. It's just that we can't do much while deeply sad. It's overwhelming.
But what if this kind of cycle is actually normal? What if both extremes are so thoroughly ineffective that we need to use both, just at different times? I know it's possible to get exhausted from happiness. So exhausted in fact, that I become negative.
Well, perhaps this is how it really is - we are designed to alternate between black and white moods. Perhaps mania and depression are just more extreme versions of the same things that make us function? It certainly would change my perspective a lot. It would mean that trying to avoid depression or "be happy" is futile. It would mean that whatever good and bad we have is fleeting.
But it would also mean that what's more important than our feelings is how we channel them. That mania is a desperate plea for happiness when we haven't had enough. That depression is just undirected realism in situations we have no control over.
If this is indeed the case, then both our happy and sad times are just resources waiting to be used. I remember so very clearly that I wrote most of my stories when I felt bad. That the best poem I've written is about sadness.
I feel like my problem is really just having too much energy and nothing to do with it. There is so little point in doing anything here, when it doesn't make me happy.
Me @ here:
/Depression is about being forced to work for no gain.
/Idealism only works as long as you are happy.
/Sacrificing oneself guarantees that you are unhappy, while not necessarily being helpful to anyone.
