There is no such thing as direction, for those things are better left undefined. The moment something becomes absolute is the moment it dies.
I have for far too long used raw intelligence to grasp the essence of ideas. It works, but eventually by now I have reached the point where I have lost the sense of direction that I used to have, meaning that the generalizations do not lead me to actual information. In the end, no matter how good I am at making connections, I still need to base my thoughts on actual information and through a combination of generalizations and laziness I have denied myself a lot of information.
In the end it's all the same - This lack of motivation is crippling. I could, should and wish to be so much more, but at the end of the day I feel insufficient. In the end I reach my limits and, being the kind of person that I am, I see them way too clearly. The absolutes are daunting. It's comforting to be blind, but it's not the way of the mage. It's not my way, for my oaths do not allow this kind of laziness.
So what should I do? What is there to be done when a person has lost connection with the things and people he loves? Once again I have to admit nescience, despite this being my own life I'm talking about. Once again, I care more about others than myself and feel empty when it's not enough. Once again I promise myself happiness through others.
I am very well aware of my deception, but provedly unable to resist it.
As wise people have said, we focus too much on love and too little on loving.
