A path to oblivion? To light? To something.

I don't show my pain, because I'm afraid of the toll it would put on others. It's still there.
One of the things I fear the most is being a burden. I don't want expressing my pain to be a plead for attention, like it is for so many. I still want attention. I'm trying to not be selfish, but it doesn't change that I still need something for myself too. Something that I'm not sure if anyone can provide. Even if there are people capable of helping me, am I worth the help to them? Am I someone that can be pulled up from this hole or will I just pull the other person down to my level? I don't want to pull them down. It's bad enough to pity oneself, it would be even worse if the weight on my conscience were heavier.
It's disgusting how I look at new love as a chance. As if it could fill the emptiness in me. Sure, I could blame many, but I still mostly blame myself. I am not powerful enough to change the world, so I can't blame it either. Blame is useless in things that you can't change. If you're not going to help, then why make the burden worse for others by whining? Hence why I don't show this blog to anyone except those I feel I really trust. Those that hopefully won't use my thoughts against me and break me down.

Well, writing things out like this is helpful. It does make things easier to understand, because when we write, we structure our thoughts. Perhaps that's my path? Perhaps I should give form to what I and others care so deeply about, but fail to express?

In any case, I have several paths that I've considered, but failed to truly decide on:
1. Programming.
2. Helping people(somehow?)
3. Something with languages, like a translator, interpreter or linguist.
4. Business.
5. Creating worlds(somewhat pairs with programming, but can also be through writing).
y. Others

Whatever it is I eventually do, it must be something that fulfills me.