The open prison of Solitude

I frequently mention that I don't like people.
There is no deep grudge against humanity or any such, but there are still reasons.

When I was little I used to be more open, but all I got in return was deceit and pain.
It's just that by now I've learned to not trust people.
For this I didn't really get along with most people.
I liked to stay away from others, as some of them harmed me on every opportunity.
Back then I didn't have the ability to see people's thoughts or otherwise know what to expect of them. All this came later.
I never socialized much with anyone who was older than me and not yet an adult.
It was mostly the adults that I did get along with, as I wasn't really worth abusing for them. They were mature enough to not gain any pleasure from making me suffer.
Due to all this, I mostly made friends with people far older than me. I never truly learned to treat people as equals, as my friends were not.
Due to my separation I was forced to figure out how to succeed on my own.
Due to socializing with people much wiser I learned to grasp concepts that I could never have mastered yet.
As time went on, I didn't get more sociable. Quite the opposite.
Since I didn't socialize with people, then I didn't develop the skills to do so either. What had been a choice soon turned into a way of life. Few understood me, I understood few.
Due to my solitude, I was forced to work out my problems myself. Due to not socializing with people of my age I lost the ability to do so. Due to not being able to socialize, I was in solitude.
The cycle kept going on and on.
I hardened and grew. Over time my choices showed results. I lost the ability to naturally understand people. Yet, I gained the ability to think freely.
It's a wonder how much people truly let themselves depend on others, if given the choice.
I had no such choice.

I no longer hope to be understood. I've come too far for this.
Neither do I expect to get along with people of my age. When the time comes, they will find a way to work with me. Until then, let them be free from the doubts and perils that my life has thrown at me.
My life has not been easy.
However, given the choice, I wouldn't do much differently.

I've for long not experienced what it means to be young. I'm old by heart.
Yet, I barely used up my childhood.

In some sense, I am still a child.

/"Such a lonely world shouldn't exist" - System of a down "Lonely world"