Introspection

For some reason we seem to believe, that by capturing every detail of something, we can capture the meaning of it. Foolishly we cling to this hope, often not understanding that greater forms are often simpler. It is not always needed to know every detail in order to see the patterns.
Some call it God, some call it Order. They are of no difference to me. The world is quite logical, even though the logic seems messy to human eyes.

I fear judgement. Maybe it is not right for me to be in school at the moment? Perhaps this is not what I need. I know why I have still so far chosen to be here - fear of the unknown. I do not know what I would do if I wasn’t here doing exactly what I am doing now. I am foolish, because by staying here I do not actually follow my own path. Yet, I criticize this very path that I walk, because I hope it would someday be better. Perhaps not to me, but to those who walk on it after me.
Am I foolish to cling to this hope, or does it mean that I work for a greater good? I don’t really know.

I hope that someday I will be useful to someone.
Indeed, I am so today, but so far I only have what will pass. Will I eventually find something that can stand the test of time? I wish I knew the answers...
My life is just a ripple on the pond of life.

On various occasions in my life, people have called me wise. They say that I am more mature than most people of my age. Yet, I do not feel so. I feel I have been given some talents, but that in the end I am still a child. Then again, isn't everyone? We find ways to hide our true being, but do we actually succeed in changing ourselves?

/This life may be a walk in the park, but if so, then it is also so for the wolves. - Me at here.